Expectant Fathers Feeling Left Out
How the Expectant Father's Role is Undermined During Pregnancy
Oct 19, 2009
It is not unusual to hear a new father report disappointment about how he was treated both before, during and after the birth process. The focus of everyone's attention is first on the mother and then on the baby. Fathers often say that they feel left out for a number of reasons, including feeling that their presence is virtually ignored by medical care providers and that their role is undermined.
Fathers' Role and Childbirth Classes
Childbirth education classes are often marketed to expectant parents as a tool to help both parents prepare for labor, birth and the postpartum period. However, the extent of discussion that focuses on the father typically revolves around how he can support the mother more effectively. Few childbirth classes discuss the father's needs and role, expectations and emotions, not to mention his transition to becoming a father.
A 2006 Swedish study published in Journal of Perinatal Education found that fathers "feel marginalized in this female-dominated area." Not only did they feel that the information in classes was easily obtained elsewhere, but that little information in childbirth classes met their needs and the importance of their role as a father.
It is no wonder then that this same study showed that fathers begin to perceive that they are "parent number two," at least from the time they take childbirth classes.
Fathers' Role and Participation in Prenatal Visits
Medical care providers seldom make an effort to include fathers during prenatal visits. In fact, fathers report that their presence is often ignored and attention from the care provider is given solely to the mother as well as checking the well-being of the baby during prenatal visits. This is undoubtedly discouraging to expectant fathers given that most of them take time off from work in order to participate in prenatal visits.
The reality is that the father will have his own unique questions and needs during this transition before becoming a parent. Being dismissed during prenatal appointments only adds to his sense of alienation and feeling left out.
One important component when an expectant couple chooses a care provider might be selecting one that will not only address the mother's questions, but also the father's.
Fathers' Role and Support of the Mother During Labor
During labor, the father's attention needs to be focused exclusively on her and what she needs at any given time. Some fathers will feel confident in the role or primary labor partner; others will not. This is added to the father's role of primary labor partner the fact that he must watch a loved one in pain for many hours and the fact that supporting the mother during labor is something that expectant fathers often do alone.
One of the few people in the birthing room who is able to help the father with his own process is the birth doula. However, even the doula is somewhat limited given the fact that her attention is primarily on the laboring woman. Doulas also need to be aware that they should not be the mother's sole source of support. Instead, the father needs to be drawn into his role as primary labor partner so that he is not feeling left out.
Fathers' Role and Nurses after Childbirth
Unfortunately, the dilemma of leaving the father out does not get much better after the baby comes. One study observed that fathers of preterm babies felt a power struggle between themselves and the nursing staff. However, research seems to indicate the power struggle may not be due to the father's inability to parent their preterm infant. In fact, fathers were ready sooner to become involved in their new role to parent their preterm baby than mothers often were.
Solutions to Help Fathers Become Fathers
Training for all members of the birthing team, including obstetricians, midwives and labor nurses, on recognizing the deep emotional changes the father is experiencing and how to address his needs, along with the mother's, is vital. Encouraging the father's question-asking should begin to take place at the first few prenatal visits.
Childbirth classes need to include more than just teaching fathers how to help his partner in labor. It is interesting to note that when childbirth classes included a "father-focused" prenatal group, studies showed that fewer men experienced psychological symptoms and more had improved marital relationships after their baby was born.
Another solution is to have a father lead a portion of the childbirth class. In fact, the Swedish study suggested that having an experienced father leading a fathers only group at some point in the class series would be helpful to meet fathers' needs.
Why not include a male helper, such as a doula, to assist the father with not only ways he can help the mother better, but offer guidance on becoming a new father during birth? What about a husband and wife "doula team" to support the whole family in their transition to parenthood?
About 50 years ago, fathers had to fight their way into the birthing room so that they could see the birth of their children. Now it is time to find solutions to not only include fathers in the delivery room so that they are not feeling left out, but truly recognize the father's crucial role within his own family.
References:
Fegran, L. "A comparison of mothers' and father' experiences of the attachment process in the neonatal intensive care unit," Journal of Clinical Nursing, March 2008.
Pohlman, S. "Fathering premature infants and the technological imperative of the neonatal intensive care unit: an interpretive study," Advances in Nursing Science, July 2009.
Premberg, A. "Father's Experiences of Childbirth Education", Journal of Perinatal Education, Spring 2006.
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